It seems like more and more these days I see TED talks, seminars, and workshops of dealing with this thing called “Imposter Syndrome”. For those who do not know what that means, “Imposter Syndrome” is defined as a feeling like a fraud despite one’s achievements. I find this particular phrase disingenuous and a lazy mischaracterization of someone’s feelings. The root cause of “Imposter Syndrome” comes from self doubt. Although the manifestations of these feelings can be a different experience for different people, the root remains the same.
1. Language is everything
“Imposter Syndrome” seems to be treated as a one-word diagnosis for any and all feelings of self doubt and manifestations of such feelings. For example I might say “I don’t feel like I really belong here” and immediately someone interjects and says “Of course you belong, you just have Imposter Syndrome.” Or I might say, “I don’t feel very confident in my abilities doing the work I am doing” and immediately someone interjects and says “Oh, you just have Imposter Syndrome.” Without going deeper into understanding how or why someone is feeling the way they do, immediately characterizing those feelings as “Imposter Syndrome” does not actually help the said person.
The fact of the matter is that language is everything. In order to actually deal with these issues, the right questions need to be asked. “Why do you feel this way?” “What do you think causes such feelings?” Using the proper language to get to the root of an issue helps create a better sense of understanding and goes beyond just a shallow and easy diagnosis. Of course, asking proper questions and taking proper steps towards making progress are not the easiest things to do and takes a great deal of exercise and discipline.
2. I don’t feel like I really belong
The question I want to ask is, “Why do you feel like you don’t belong?” There are many different scenarios in which this can happen. One example is that everyone else is different from where you are, different in skill level, different in backgrounds and different in perspectives. Another example is that everyone else is different from who you are. In an environment that is not one in which you are accustom to, it is natural to feel like you don’t belong.
A way to improve the feeling of belonging is by simply being open. Allow yourself to learn the culture and learn the people. It is not productive to demand the environment to change, and not change yourself.
There are unfortunately negative circumstances in which you might be made to feel like you don’t belong. For example, coworkers belittling you for your accomplishments, an environment which does not support you in your growth, and overall being in a environment which does not value what you do and who you are. In these situations being told you have “Imposter Syndrome” is a form of gaslighting which masks the wicked behavior of those who are trying to bring you down. It doesn’t matter if it is your dream job, or a school situation, regardless of the circumstance do not accept such treatment. Remove yourself from these situations and don’t let any of the negative influences have any opportunity to come into your life to ruin your peace.
3. I don’t feel confident in my abilities
The question I want to ask is, “Why do you feel not confident in your abilities?”
3.1 You might just be incompetent
This may be harsh to hear, but the reality is you might just be incompetent. For example, if someone parties during his or her entire college years without spending time to develop skills and manages to “network” their way into a particular job, it would be natural to not feel confident in his or her abilities at that job because there are none in the first place.
Throwing a diagnosis of “Imposter Syndrome” is a type of emotional pornography which serves to placate a fragile ego without allowing the person to face the consequences of his or her actions. The said person never actually realizes where they are at. Additionally, this works to shift blame and never deals with the issue at hand.
Just because one is currently incompetent doesn’t mean his or her incompetence is set in stone. With enough hard work and discipline to learn such skills at hand, a person can end up quite successful. Hard work and discipline is a built habit and doesn’t come instantaneously.
3.2 You might be competent, but in the wrong areas
Some of my friends who have studied computer science are incredibly smart and get high marks in their classes. However, when they go into a software engineering job, they feel overwhelmed and struggle. My friends might be incredibly competent, but in the wrong areas.
The thing with classes is that for the most part getting the answer to questions are done through a formulaic process. These formulas and patterns are learned in a controlled environment in a class setting. Students are trained to perform under these controlled environments. When it comes to real life scenarios, there might be no control and there might be an expectation to just “get it done”. Students go into the real world with the expectation that the real world is supposed to be a nice controlled environment. When the expectations don’t match the reality, such feelings of self doubt can arise. Such self doubt often manifests itself as fear.
Diagnosing these doubts as “Imposter Syndrome” is disingenuous because such feelings are natural in an unfamiliar environment. It is completely fine to be afraid.
Courage, learning and accepting failure are ways to face these fears. Traversing in uncomfortable and even terrifying environments takes courage. Understanding how different parts interact and the relationships takes learning. Accepting failure and growing from failure is natural. You are incredibly competent and capable. Think of it as taking some new courses, a course on courage and a course on life.
3.3 You are quite competent
Throwing the diagnosis of “Imposter Syndrome” is disingenuous because it leads a competent person to believe that they are a fraud which is not true. You might actually be quite competent, however you don’t really feel confident in your abilities. The question I’d like to ask is “Why?”
Ego
Ego gets in the way. Your ego might tell you, that you are making something that is going to “Change the world” or that you are doing something that is going to “Disrupt the industry”. Setting impossibly high expectations for yourself and failing to match those expectations can lead to feelings of self doubt. In order to deal with this, you need to take a realistic, objective and honest look at what you are doing and build your expectations around that.
Self Disparagement
When something goes wrong, a knee jerk reaction might be to disparage yourself. “You made a mistake, why are you so dumb? You should have known better.” Having this framework of thinking is incredibly hurtful to yourself.
Rather than disparaging yourself immediately, the proper approach is simply to ask “why?” If something goes wrong, ask yourself why? Build an understanding of why the mistakes happened and create an healthy outlook of who you are. This in turn builds confidence and empowers you!
Value System
This is a bit hard to put words to, but in order to truly value your own work you need to be able to see the value of it. In order to see value, it takes some self reflection, meditation, and real experiences.
4. In conclusion
Everyone feels self doubt. It’s completely natural to feel that way. The real question to ask is “why?” and developing a healthy attitude and mentality towards overcoming such doubts. It’s not accurate to try and fit your feelings into a nice and easy packaged phrase, so don’t. You are fully capable of making your dreams come true! You can do it!
