Curb your: Job Coaching

An Aside: Normally I try to have my “Curb your” type of blogs to be more light hearted type of roasts; however, this subject will be more heavy handed as it is something which deeply bothers me.

Hello ladies and gentleman, thank you for tuning back in for tonight. Tonight I’d like to talk about a very serious disease going around — it’s incredibly contagious, and easily transmittable — and No, I’m not talking about COVID-19.

The disease I want to raise awareness about is something I’d like to call “Job Coaching Guru-hood” or JCG for short. It turns every single college graduate who immediately enters the workforce into some type of Job Coaching Guru. It’s an unprecedented crisis for our generation.

The biggest symptom of JCG is delusion. Many of these persons, who’ve passed a few rounds of job interviews and maybe 1–2 years of work experience, all of a sudden believe that they can coach others into getting their dream job at any “prestigious” company out there. As if they were bestowed magical wisdom of the ancients to ace every single job interview which exists. All of a sudden on their LinkedIn profile, an software engineering position becomes “inter-company product entrepreneur” or a financial analyst position becomes “multi-million dollar strategist”. The companies don’t change their names, but all of a sudden the company might become “a fortune N company”. How far will they delude themselves into coddling their fragile egos and inferiority complex? When will the madness end?

Another symptom of JCG is oral disease. It seems like no matter what they say, the only thing coming out of their mouths is the pervasive stink of bullshit. How can you brag about your skill in job coaching when all your clients only get interviews? How many clients actually land jobs? How does the number of LinkedIn connections relate to your real life connections? How many people would really vouch for you in real life?

Persons suffering from JCG become predatory. It won’t be enough just to simply reach out to job-seeking friends to offer advice. No, these JCG prey on vulnerable people promising the riches of a prestigious job. They prey on people who don’t know any better. And you know what’s more outrageous, they try and twist the narrative to show the public how “good” they are. “Look at me, I’m helping out [vulnerable group]” under the guise of empowerment and service. Even worse, they try to recruit rather I should say exploit mentors by charging [vulnerable groups] what the mentors give for free. The difference between snake oil salesmen and people with JCG is that at least the snake oil salesmen leaves a person with snake oil, which can be burnt to provide some warmth. People with JCG only burn bridges leaving the empty coldness of broken dreams.

Who are you trying to impress? Perhaps you are trying to prove yourself to the world. It’s as if you had one dollar and was strutting around like some type of millionaire in front of people who had zero dollars. Well one dollar compared to zero dollars would be quite the step up. But at the end of the day, you’re just another person in the workforce. I’d like to remind you, there are a lot of people in the workforce.

When you meet someone suffering from JCG, the most important thing for you to do is do your research and ask questions. Looking for the truth is the most effective way of warding off those already infected with JCG. There are some genuine and experienced people who can offer great coaching and advice. Usually these people have many years in a particular field and have actually done great work to prove it. I don’t know how these people with JCG can live with the weight of their guilt — but I guess they all fall to the bottom of the barrel.

Thank you for tuning in! That’s all the time we have for tonight!

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