I hope from reading my previous blogs, I’ve shown that snakes are indeed everywhere. Even in the most normal of situations, seemingly the nicest of people can reveal their true insidiousness. I’m going to share a little story about how an ex-friend set me up by inviting me to her church group and how poorly I was treated as a result.
This incident happened in the summer of 2019. I was back in Seattle doing an internship. As I am someone who enjoys reaching out to people I haven’t seen in a while, I reached out to my ex-friend to see if she wanted to catch up. She replies to me saying something along the lines of, “It’d be great to see you, if you are available then come swing by my church’s small group.” I do want to make the point that this ex-friend had been part of this specific church group for at least 3+ years.
For those unfamiliar with church small groups, the format of most normal small groups is that there is some type of meal followed by bible study and discussion. These were my expectations of what I’d experience. I personally enjoy spending time with other believers growing in faith together, so I agreed. I explicitly told her that I went to a different church than hers, and double checked with her if me coming was ok. She assured me it was.
The first time I went, these were completely fine. We had dinner. We talked about service and covered portions of the book of Acts. It was the second time I went, that things went awry. We had dinner, and then continued fellowship reading through acts. After the fellowship was done, the small group leader pulls me aside and starts to interrogate me about where I was from, what my testimony was, whether or not I was interested in joining this specific church. I answered honestly — sharing that my ex-friend had invited me over, shared about about my background in faith, that I was part of a different church. I didn’t understand why this was happening because I was literally invited by my ex-friend to come and she should have let the small group leader know.
Immediately after hearing that I went to a different church. He told me that I was not welcome to come back to this small group or any small group associated with this specific group. He then had the audacity to ask if I had any prayer requests. I told him some, and he got really close to me, put his hands firmly on my shoulders and started praying. I could feel his breathe all over me. It was incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable. I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I went home — quite disturbed.
I messaged my friend. I told her what happened and asked what was up? I had already told her that I went to another church. She invited me anyways. I was treated incredibly poorly. She gave me this “I’m sorry you feel this way” gaslighting type of non-apology. She tried to put me in contact with the small group leader and the pastor to see if things could be worked out.
I first messaged the small group leader trying to explain and understand the situation. This was a screenshot of a portion of the chat.
I bet you can imagine my disbelief. Perhaps it was just that the small group leader who randomly did not like me. I went ahead and sent an email to that group’s pastor and this was the response.
“I do want to confirm your understanding that all small groups are only open to those wishing to be part of this specific church.” This belief was not just a matter of the small group leader not liking me, but a systematic doctrine held and preached by the lead pastors. This was not just a one time occurrence with me, but a continued pattern of behavior which excludes and mistreats other believers. To prove this point, I’ve included a yelp review which demonstrates the poor behavior of this specific group.
My ex-friend had attended this church for 3+ years. Surely, she must have known. I personally believe I was set up. It’s not even like I’m part of a group such as Westboro Baptist. If I wanted to be part of an narrow minded, unwelcoming group, I’d already have joined this one. But, let’s try and give her the benefit of the doubt. If she had not known the policies of her own group in which she had been attending for so many years, that would mean that little actually stuck.
Rather than writing insults given that this is a “Curb your” style blog, I believe that how these people treated me speaks for itself. Instead, let’s go back to God’s word and see what the Bible says.
On the behavior of Diotrephes: 3 John 9:11 (ESV)
I’m going to share a portion from 3 John 9:11. The book of 3 John is literally one chapter. Half of it is Apostle Paul rebuking the behavior of Diotrephes.
“I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.
Beloved, do not imitate evil but imitate good. Whoever does good is from God; whoever does evil has not seen God.”
The words of Apostle Paul are quite clear in this segment. The church my ex-friend invited me too has the same behavior as Diotrephes. Imagine, literally ignoring the rebuke of the Apostle Paul.
The vision of the Body of Christ
The body of Christ is made up of all believers in Christ. To have a belief that another believer does not belong to the church is strictly against the vision of the body and against the word of God.
1 Corinthians 12:12-13 (ESV): “For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body — Jews or Greeks, slaves or free — and all were made to drink of one Spirit.”
Ephesians 3:6 (ESV): “This mystery is that the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body, and partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.”
My Burden
I was treated incredibly poorly by my ex-friend and her church group. If it was just me being hurt, it wouldn’t be as big of an issue. The problem is that many others in the community are being hurt and will continue to be hurt by this improper exclusive doctrine. Even the most seemingly normal, seemingly nice people are capable of being incredibly hurtful.
As of now, it is not Christ they are expressing but their own personal preferences and unbiblical beliefs. It is my burden that these persons can truly experience Christ, see the vision of the body and let Christ be their expression.
